“You can touch the sorrow here. I don’t know what to blame . I just watch and watch again.”
I felt the urge to wander through the unfamiliar streets at night. But once I’m under a fluorescent light, I feel like I’m trying too hard. I’m an adult so I felt like smoking a cigarette at least once. But once I’m under the moonlight, I feel like I’m doing something wrong.
“For example, if you were by my side
And about to crumble over something,
I’d probably secretly offer my hand Without saying a word.”
I wonder what me plus you equals?
I wonder what me minus you equals?
Here I thought it was because I’m in one of the places where we made a lot of our memories, but then it hit me— I realized that today would have been our one year anniversary. What a hurtful coincidence.
As much as you want me to, I just can’t seem to. Like you said, maybe my pathetic little life really is worth shit. And that I’m nothing but a coward and a liar. I don’t have anything real or worthwhile about myself. That may all be very true. But there’s one thing you’re wrong about. The memories of us which continually plague my dreams are very real; so real that they scare me. And they make me miss you more and more with each passing day. I will always hold them dear to me though, for that’s all I have left of you. Left of us.
Sometimes before I fall asleep, my mind automatically travels back in time; revisiting the warmest and coldest of memories. The present seems so pale in comparison. In these moments, if I had the chance to restart back to a certain point in my past, I would. I most definitely would.
School’s starting yet again, but I’m mentally on vacation still. There’s just something strange about summer. Something different that you can’t exactly feel in other seasons of the year. It’s as if the blazing heat of the sun has burned something into our heads. Compared to other seasons, memories of summer seem so clear and vibrant, like there’s a warm aroma that lingers until the leaves change colour and tree branches wither, only to eventually come back for you to experience it all over again. With the end of summer vacation, and opening of school, I cannot say that I’m ready. There will be many unexpected events, unexpected encounters. New friends to make and old ones to lose. Homework to accomplish and feelings to develop. Because people don’t change their ways that easily, I won’t promise myself anything this year. Whatever comes my way, I’ll tackle it all while being me. That’s all I’ve ever been anyway.
“The game just began again, it’s already started. There’s no time to waste with my head down. So I’ll inscribe the memories in my mind. And pray that the light shines on you!”
“Just like my favorite shoes, we were together no matter when. When I wore them, they always turned pitch black right away. Each time I washed them, they’d get clean, but in return they got wrecked quickly. And now I can’t wear them at all. I tried wearing other shoes, and for the first time, I understood how comfortable those shoes were. At long last.”